Preznit give me Mall Cops The Daily Kos (the slacker blog alternative to the "Hourly Kos") has the story of how for some unexplained reason the Bush/Cheney 2004 Campaign ("Come for the Recession, Stay for the Repression") has dumped about $750,000 into a private security firm related to "The Pinkertons" apparently. Given that the Commander-in-Chief has loads of Secret Service Agents, police, and of course, the armed services to call upon, it is of interest why the Campaign is paying money for folks normally expecting employment as "Event Security" or anti-Union Goons. The President of the United States announces his "Praetorian Mall Cops"? The security firm is named "Vance International". With a name like that you would think they'd be providing bouncers for gay wedding receptions (bouncer, gay wedding reception -- that sounds dirtier than I intended it -- glad I pointed that out). Maybe its an "job creation program related activities" deal?

The Unanswered Question... More in the NY Times today about Justice Scalia's response to ethics charges about his hunt for Daffy with the Vice President in Louisiana. As the Times states: "He also points out, rather sarcastically, that he and the vice president neither shared a room nor a hunting blind" The necessary question -- Were there any glory holes?

How easy it is to be bloody blind... ..."Rant Mode" enabled... One of the things that really concerns me in "our" democracy is the lazy manner in which we all, collectively, engage in it. There are some obvious signs of good things that flow from lack of involvement. In a way it can be a sign of general contentment to some extent that people are "fat" (and we are especially that in the US) and "happy" and find no need to vote at all. If everybody was active AND pissed off that certainly would not necessarily be a sign that things are swell in the country. But more than the trend of contentment, I think it is fairly obvious that the lack of involvement stems from two other more disturbing conditions in the American Electorate: First, look around at your fellow citizens -- are we not the most disappointingly ignorant and parochial people on the planet? We aren't ignorant because we live in some backwater where we have no hope of being informed. Rather, we are collectively uninformed because we either have no time to be informed, or more likely because so many of us just don't give a rat's ass. Second, because of the reason above, politics has become a mass media game -- not of edification, but of making sure ONLY certain individuals go to the polls. Those inclined to be lazy are given the message, "ah, all of these politicians and parties are just the same -- the hell with voting, I want to eat my frozen pizza, tolerate my spouse and children, and watch Friends -- and maybe later some soft-core porn on Cinemax". There is the rationale for going negative. You get to make Kerry look like just another politician (and they are all the same) all while claiming simultaneously that if he's elected "YOU ARE ALL GOING TO DIE". Ah, sweet Inconsistency, how doth Karl Rove love thee. The combination of these two things have helped the Bush Administration make us into the title of this Blog, RISING HEGEMON. Yes, the U.S.A. is No. 1!! All f-ing hail us, we rule, blah blah blah. However, we were this long before the next to least disappointing child of George H.W. Bush (props to Neal) was anointed our 43rd President. The United States is SO FAR above every other nation in "power" both militarily and economically there is no point in debating it. Added to that, especially on say, September 12, 2001, we have supreme moral influence. We could very well have joined with our allies and even the ambivalent and come up with a global approach to dealing with the scourge of terrorism. The board was set for a long-term approach, philosophically, politically and militarily. We had a chance to really follow the Hans Morgenthau rules of international relations and create a better, more stable, safer world out of the ashes of this horrible tragedy. AND THEY F**KING BLEW IT, FROM THE START. As has been alleged by others and now reaffirmed by Richard Clarke a National Security, counter-terrorism expert during the Reagan, Bush I, Clinton and Bush II Administrations, they wanted to bomb the crap out of Saddam and Iraq from the very first. Damn them, damn them all to hell (and being an agnostic, I realize this may not be a realistic alternative). At least damn them to November unemployment (fitting enough) and see if they give up looking for work like several million others. But even worse is that many of us just let them blow it and cheered them while they did so, too many of our fellow citizens praised them with the simplistic platitudes and cheers of what would have resulted in a Nuremberg rally if Bush would have but bothered to ask them to get off their collective asses. And that is one thing that separates the Bush team from the National Socialists tactically, they don't even ask us to do anything (and I realize their are others, but its my blog so I get to come up with the examples -- Godwin's Rule be damned!) They are comfortable with us being lazy and not asked to make sacrifices. "You folks just take it easy, we'll handled the authoritarianism from here." It is like a pre-fab Dictatorship and the nation is letting them get away with it. The banality of it is the most frightening thing of all. Wow, do I wish I had a diagnosed mental condition (apparently they are all the rage, but I've never been too hip) then I could at least have some meds to make it all seem not so frightening. But at least I KNOW I will be voting.

They can run but they can't hi......Ah fuck it! From the Austrailian http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5744,9018516%5E2703,00.html Bin Laden's right-hand man slips net By Rodney Dalton, New York correspondent and Agencies March 20, 2004 A BULLETPROOF LandCruiser at high speed bursting out of a tribal compound in Pakistan's South Waziristan region was just the latest infuriating setback in the US's quest to bring down the top of the al-Qa'ida tree. The car, followed by two armoured vehicles and a phalanx of heavily armed militants able to wipe out dozens of crack troops sent to blast the terrorists from their nest, is believed to have contained Ayman al-Zawahiri, right-hand man to Osama bin Laden. After mounting speculation that US and Pakistani forces ranged on either side of the Afghanistan-Pakistan border were about to pounce on al-Qa'ida's key planner, a senior Taliban spokesman yesterday made the claim Washington least wanted to hear - that both Zawahiri and bin Laden were safe in Afghanistan. "He may have slipped the net," the official said. The story continues on... I agree with many others smarter and more talented with HTML code (Josh Marshall, Hesiod, Atrios) this sure smelled funny from the get-go. However, you have to agree, the description sure is one that any fan of action movies can love. "Die Hard X-Treme" at 12,000 feet. And once again, as the article states, PAKISTANI CRACK TROOPS. Granted they aren't short, cute, and they are plainly evil, but is this getting more and more like Bin Laden and Al-Zawahiri are Frodo and Sam, and the Pakistani Army is as competent as Sauron's Orcs? Where is the giant fucking spider?

You know things are Bad... According to today's Boston Herald, South Korea is balking at placing their 3,600 troops in the area requested by the United States because it is too dangerous. It seems to me it is a bit of a problem, when South Korea, technically still at war, will not send troops to a country we occupy because it isn't safe enough. This is especially bad timing considering the post below this one, where Don "Egad, shown up by Tom Friedman" Rumsfeld boasted about comparing Iraq to South Korea. South Korea has obviously been doing some comparing their own selves and decided, "why go to northern Iraq when we can be safer someplace else, like near North Korea?" Oh, they are still willing to deploy as soon as the U.S. gives them someplace safe to place their troops. Maybe in Kuwait? It's enough to make you want to impeach somebody. Really!!

We are RULED by Foreigners!! Ah, um, what I meant to say was..."Dapper Don" Rumsfeld talks about Iraq, by talkin' about Korea!! In an effort to get the bad taste of his appearance on Meet the Press out of his mouth, amateur Robert McNamara impersonator, Donald Rumsfeld writes an op-ed piece in the New York Times. http://www.nytimes.com/2004/03/19/opinion/19RUMS.html?ex=1080716430&ei=1&en=ffc6856549a79537Rumsfeld defends the decision in Iraq, by spending the bulk of the article defending U.S. policy in Korea. I missed that part of our history where the ghost of Voltaire came back to handle Foreign Policy P.R., "If the Cold War did not exist, it would be necessary to create it -- for bad analogy purposes alone" [It would help if you provide a cheesey french accent when reading that quote]. That's right, the Bush Administration's highest officials are now to the point where they don't even evade the question -- they just start the evasion from the get go. Damn, they're clever AND Pavlovian. To paraphrase Atrios, "Preznit give me Milk Bone". For the love of God, please let me never see the Rovian Pavlovian Slobber response (Behavioral Scientists, alert the journals, I've given you a title for your next refereed publication). Rumsfeld makes me believe we Americans may be under the rule of a foreign cabal when he writes: "Americans do not come easily to war, but neither do Americans take freedom lightly." There you have it, if the premise above is true, then the Bush Administration is not comprised of Americans, but citizens of another land. Frankly, I suspect the Finns, they've always been known as the most conniving of the Scandinavians -- well, next to the Danes and Norwegians of course. I can see them now, in the White House, with their little shrine to Paavo Nurmi just off the Blue Room. Epäaitos!!!* *allegedly Finnish for Bastards.

You cannot be a legitimate Blogger without abusing the word MEME I try to always be legitimate. Of course, according to the many women I have dated -- or at least claimed in retrospect I was dating -- and those I have worked with -- and the occasional person with whom I have a passing acquaintance -- questions regarding my legitimacy in general have frequently arisen. I'd write a poem about it, but so little rhymes with bastard... But I digress. "MEME" a word I have to say that I, with a slightly larger than average vocabulary, had never seen used or uttered through all of those college courses, grad courses, and "Dear Penthouse" columns I've experienced. But in the all powerful, all knowing BLOGOSPHERE it is actually a legal requirement of the Blogger Contract that it must be used by a contractee as often as humanly possible . Hey, let's digress some more... Some of you who meant to type "risingboner.blogspot.com" are probably wondering what is going on, or "where are the naked Thai girls?" (that's right I'm talking to YOU, Neal Bush!) but this whole rambling and incoherent post has but one goal -- but one purpose. To fill up space before telling you that Paul Krugman wrote an article of similar vein to the earlier referenced Saleton piece in Slate. Krugman is someone who all liberal bloggers like me have a raging man crush upon -- the dark Mophisto Eyes, salt-n-pepper hair, the healthy complexion, the beard -- oh heaven help me the soft fluffy beard (btw two whole days of blogging and I've used "Man Crush" twice) Here's the link.http://www.nytimes.com/2004/03/19/opinion/19KRUG.html?ei=5007&en=9caabc27b7dbdad9&ex=1395032400&partner=USERLAND&pagewanted=print&position=

Proudly Un-American according to the BushCo Team William Saletan has been on the beat of fleshing out campaign lies for 2004. Early on there is little doubt as to who the winner in deceit, deception and outright demagougery is going to be. Congratulations to the Bush/Cheney 2004 team and its Producer Karl "McKinley's Underrated" Rove. If such awards were given like the Oscars, Peter Jackson would be empty handed in comparison. Find his article here: http://slate.msn.com/id/2097369/ Let's seen, 12 more days of March, then April, May, ...November. Never has an incumbent Presidential Campaign gone negative so early. The Bush Administration has NOTHING to run on but Fear (obligatory geek reference to Monty Python's "Spanish Inquisition" sketch refrained from even before requested -- I'm looking out for YOU, Mr and Ms. lonely blog reader!). Bush stated recently, "we see now that the terrorist are fighting desperately" -- well that's what his speech said -- how that was actually pronounced is a different matter entirely. Fighting Desperately is at least ONE thing they have in common.

Well, that's no way to start a News Conference So here I am, watching IMUS (who like a Vampire sucks the life out of me day by day) on MSNBC -- because someone has to. So Colin Powell makes a surprised, "staged" visit to Baghdad and is standing there with Paul Bremer at a News Conference -- and standing and standing and standing. Meanwhile the translator for someone ostensibly from the "Arab" media is reading off what constitutes a harangue against the United States Occupation and death of two Arab journalists, "at the hands of the Americans". This speech goes on another two or three minutes and finally about a third of the journalists (referred to as the Arab Journalists) march out saying they are boycotting the newsconference. A few thoughts come to mind... 1. Powell will certainly not be bringing up foreigner's preference for Kerry again; 2. Maybe that Al Queda endorsement for Bush wasn't a fraud; 3. Winning hearts and minds...Your Bush Administration Foreign Policy Team! 4. Colin Powell at least let's a harangue occur, and true, that kind of statement would not have been possible a year ago. But, um, that's kind of both a happy and a sad statement about Bush's Iraqi invasion isn't it? 5. Powell, while he has gone down substantially in my eyes, just allowed a protest within a mile of him, something the President cannot bear to have happen in his royal presence. 6. Arab journalists, when not going on diatribes, at least ask challenging questions compared to their American counterparts who frankly continue, by and large, act as if they are covering a flood in Louisiana as opposed to an occupation with frightening possibilities to our long-term future.

"Shamelessness Is an American Value" From today's New York Times, http://www.nytimes.com/2004/03/18/international/middleeast/18COUN.html?ex=1080190800&en=3214ed4da4292de4&ei=5062&partner=GOOGLE Chief U.S. Administrator Paul Bremer showed the Iraqi provisional authority members that when it comes to irony the Bush Administration is hard to beat. "In a morning meeting on Wednesday, Mr. Bremer warned the Iraqi leaders that they risked isolating themselves and their country if they continued to snub the United Nations." Not reported is that Bremer next went on to stress the importance of allowing the individual with the most votes to govern the future Iraqi government and the necessity of staying focused in the War on Terror and not getting sidetracked by peripheral matters.

Does he come in a Bottle? Oh the things you find on Drudge...certainly not one's self-esteem, but still occasionally a story whose headline is not contrived. This from EU Business... http://www.eubusiness.com/afp/040318101927.gsn430bz French Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin on Thursday backed a European Union proposal to appoint an anti-terrorism expert who would coordinate EU security measures in the wake of the Madrid attacks. "I think it's a good idea," de Villepin told Radio France Internationale when asked about the idea of appointing a "Mr Terrorism" for the bloc, who would report to EU foreign policy chief Javier Solana. "It's very important for us to... try to better coordinate our actions as Europeans -- that we have an official, a coordinator, as Javier Solana has proposed," the French minister added. "I think we have to coordinate our efforts on the technical level, which would allow us to better assess the realities on the ground, to fight terrorism more effectively," de Villepin said. EU officials have said the proposed "Mr Terrorism" would be a coordinator -- an expert who knows the subject well -- rather than a politician. The officials rejected any comparison with Tom Ridge, the US Homeland Security director. Mr. Terrorism? Great name of course, I suppose the League of Justice could fit him between Wonder Woman and Aquaman when they finally kick out that dead-ended space waster Apache Chief, but still what are the qualifications or superpowers? And how did he come to be, is he a space alien with superpowers? Was there a tragic lab accident at a top secret government site (say at Cern)? Questions, Questions that need answers.

Insert Pretzel Joke Here... President Bush, in the chow line with troops at Fort Campbell, Ky., after delivering a speech, was asked about Kwasniewski's remarks but shook his head and said, ''I'm here to eat.'' The ever eloquent, and deft LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD ladies and gentlemen! He'll be here at least through January, wait for the Saturday matinee. Granted, it is not as great as Bush telling a male reporter last year, "you've got a pretty face", or "I'm a compassionate conservative" but it isn't bad. Knowing what little there is to know about the Commander-in-Chief, I suppose it would be interesting to figure out what nickname he has given to the President of Poland, Aleksander Kwasniewski. We know one other foreign leader he's monikered: Vladimer Putin -- Pooty Poot. That, of course, explains Russia not being in the "Coalition of the willingly bought" right there. But what others....I wonder...(it's a hypothetical so let's just assume Bush actually knows more than ONE leader of another country). Oh well, for now I'd be happy just to see Bush try to say Aleksander Kwasniewski. What can I say, I'm a major league asshole. Big Time.

Antonin Scalia re: Appearance of Inpropriety -- "F.U." Sweet, sweet Nino "Annointer of the President" Scalia takes care of this nasty business of him having to decide the fate of his hunting partner (long-time hunting companion perhaps...hmmm?) Dick "Ought 6" Cheney. A defiant Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia refused Thursday to remove himself from a case involving Vice President Dick Cheney, a close friend, dismissing questions about a possible conflict of interest. He rejected a request by the Sierra Club, which said it was improper for Scalia to take a hunting trip with Cheney while the environmental group's lawsuit involving the vice president was pending at the court. "Even one unnecessary recusal impairs the functioning of the court," Scalia wrote in a 21-page memo. The Sierra Club is suing to get information about private meetings of Cheney's energy task force. Scalia has maintained there was nothing improper about the trip he took with Cheney three weeks after the court agreed to consider the case. If Scalia was your run of the mill Federal Judge, say a District Court Judge, or an Appeals Court Judge, there is not much doubt he would have to recuse himself. But if you are on the Supremes "appearance" is in the eye of the beholder (and if you ever played too much D&D like me you know that's an unpleasant thought). Nino looked in the mirror, and SHOCKINGLY found himself appearing rather dashing and handsome, the kind of dangerous rogue that women want, and Vice-President's want to be. He also thought there to be nothing improper naturally. He then flexed his muscles, nodded approvingly three times and went about his business -- scoffing at those nasty neer-do-wells and uppity treehuggers. Yessir, Tony Scalia is one SWEEEEEET mama jamma.... Sorry, got lost in my pretend man-crush there. I cannot go on.

CNN: Ayman al-Zawahiri alleged surrounded http://www.cnn.com/2004/WORLD/asiapcf/03/18/pakistan.alqaeda/index.html Osama's right hand man, and renal technician may be surrounded by the most competent army on earth -- except of course the latter isn't true. It would be terrific if this is true AND it occurs. If it's true, its also amazing how quickly a big capture came AFTER they finally got on that thing in an election year isn't it? I'd like to take this moment to thank the Bush Administration for making me such an cynical ass (well, more of one anyway).

Karl Rove won't tell you this, but.... John Kerry comes to the rescue of the Bush Administration -- or at least tries to. U.S. Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry asked Spanish Prime Minister-elect Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero to reconsider a campaign promise and keep his country's troops in Iraq, El Mundo reported. Kerry made the comment during a speech at George Washington University in Washington, the newspaper said. I don't know if this will work, and Zapatero has left himself an out if the UN asks him to stay as well, but here is Kerry acting like an adult -- while Dick Cheney gives his usual dour harrangue and Karl Rove brags about negative campaigning. Which group is more concerned about our national interests again? Meanwhile, Bush's popularity with foreign nations is showing a real pattern. Let's analyze in a manner even feckless leader could understand... Germany 2003, central theme opposing U.S. policy in Iraq -- WIN South Korea 2003, central theme opposing U.S. policy -- WIN Spain 2004, central theme, support Bush in Iraq -- LOSE Russia 2004, not a central them, but certainly not supporting -- WIN Meanwhile, still pending: Poland and Honduras where the supporting parties are whipping out the "oops, that may have been a mistake, but we were tricked card." Wow, its nice to have elected (TECHNICALLY) such a beloved bunch of fellas. Until the Fall of 2002, Bush's most dangerous opposition was a bag of Mr. Salty's and nothing to drink -- now he is less liked than Osama Bin Laden. BRILLIANT!!!

Preznit of Poland, get no Turkee [or Turkey]. Well this is a nice trend for the coalition of the willing(ly) bribed that Bush has put together. President Aleksander Kwasniewski said that his country had been "taken for a ride" about the alleged existence of weapons of mass destruction in the strife-torn country. "That they deceived us about the weapons of mass destruction, that's true. We were taken for a ride," Kwasniewski said Thursday. He argued however that it made no sense to pull US-led coalition troops out of Iraq. Oh great, its like he's an American politician already. "Well sure the Bush Administration lied to me as if I was the biggest dolt in the world -- but I do like that financial assistance and all. And besides, just because we've already royally managed to screw ourselves thanks to the duplicitous and quite stupifyingly middling intelligence that is the President of the United States, I guess we better stay." Now, as an American -- or as feckless leader would put it "Amurcan" I have to agree with this sentiment. But the argument actually becomes, as right puts it, 'what's done is done' if we are too docile in this regard. The Right didn't stop hammering after a blowjob, I'm not going to let Bush off now just because I know I have to help clean up the splooge. ...um, did I just really take a jism analogy too far? Yes, yes, I'm afraid I did. The Poles are also in the midst of elections, I believe, and the ruling party's pro-Bush stand isn't too popular [Amazing how consistently that seems a problem isn't it]. So saying a little something like, "Bush took me for a ride" seems a bit of a sop to the angry poles before the polls (ah, plays on words, how I love thee). The opposition party's line may be paraphrasing Joe Wilson and saying something like, "We're Fuckedski". Still this cannot be good news to the GOP in Congress. I can see some of them now: Polish Sausage = Freedom Sausage Polish Kielbasa = Freedom Kielbasa Polish Ham = Freedom Ham ...and many a non-pc "Freelock Jokes" are all the rage today. If this gets any worse they are going to break out the big guns and you'll see similarly spelled words get the treatment: Furniture Polish = Furniture Freedom Nail Polish = Nail Freedom um, Freedoming your Knob and of course, a favorite spectator event of most Congresspersons, going down to the strip club for some "Free Dancing".

BLOG-ARATION OF INDEPENDUNCE (from George II) When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for a people to dissolve the unpopular judicial fiat which has been forced upon them with another Bush, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. We hold these truths to be self-evident: That all men (and women) REALLY are created equal; that they are evolved to their station with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness; that, to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed (not-their like minded JUDICIAL appointees); that whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles, and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that legitimately elected governments three years and two months long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism -- or at least malevolent incompetence, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security, even if it must wait for the second November of every fourth year. Such has been the patient sufferance of these citizens; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their current administration. The history of the present President (or Preznit as the case may be) is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute hegemony over these states and this planet. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world. He has refused his assent to laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good. He has forbidden his governors to pass laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his assent should be obtained; and, when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them. He has refused to pass other laws for the accommodation of large districts of people (like oh, I don't know -- Homosexuals?) unless those people would relinquish the right of representation in basic human rights, such as legalized affiliation, a right inestimable to them, and whose deprivation would be of interest to tyrants only. He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual uncomfortable, and which are not affiliated with these United States, for the sole purpose of bullying and/or fatiguing them into compliance with his measures, or at least delaying the eventual outbreak of civil war. He has allowed the rise and rule of profiteering abuses among his friends and confederates and has peopled his administration with such individuals in matters of policy-making decisions. He has badgered our naval forces repeatedly, with the stated goal of demonstrating, his manly firmness, and declaring finished tasks which manifestly remained unaccomplished. He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the legislative powers, incapable of annihilation, have returned to the people at large for their exercise; the state remaining, in the mean time, exposed to all the dangers of invasions from without and convulsions within. He has allowed his lieutenants and subordinates to engage in partisan acts of betrayal of those working for the safety and security of this nation to be exposed, ridiculed and endangered all for the sake of the aggrandizement of his power. He has obstructed the administration of justice, by refusing his assent to laws for establishing judiciary powers, and declaring activist those judges who disagree with him -- unless that activism serves the purpose of establishing and enabling his exercise of power. He has made Congress dependent on his will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries, and has to the indebtedness of our citizens engaged and encourages the willful deceit of such legislature with information necessary to the proper conduct of their duties. He has erected a multitude of new offices with disturbing authoritarian names, and sent hither swarms of officers to harass our people and eat out their substance, while providing him with advice as to helpful propaganda opportunities with the purpose of manipulating our citizen. He has affected to render the military independent of, and superior to, the civil power. He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our Constitution and unacknowledged by our laws, giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation: He has appointed investigating agencies, which he and his administration have no intention of cooperating with, and for which he refuses both time and the taking of testimony under oath, or which are populated with like-minded individuals determined to provide information which is both incorrect, and supportive of his abusive policies. For protecting those within his administration, by a mock trial, from punishment for any crimes which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states; For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world, or using the institution of duties and taxes for the most craven of political purposes; For imposing deficits on us without our consent; For depriving thousands of individuals, in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury without justification; For transporting them beyond their native lands, to be tried for pretended offenses; For taking away our charters, establishing most odious laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments; For deceiving our own legislatures, and declaring himself invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever. For engaging in the abuse of language, and creating words which are illogical in use and form. For making strange faces, and possessing a smirking look that is both galling and disturbingly vague and formless. He has vitiated government here, by declaring our rights unnecessary for the purpose of our protection and waging war against us. He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, negligently allowed the burning of our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people. He is at this time transporting large armies to complete the works of death, desolation, and tyranny already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation. He is supportive of tyrannies which are supportive of those who cast death and destruction upon us, through censorship or deceit, while casting aspersion upon our traditional friends and allies for their resistances to his schemes, usurpations and violations of international law. He has constrained our fellow-humans, taken captive on the high seas, to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands. He has excited domestic insurrection among us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers the merciless terroristic savages, whose known rule of warfare is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes, and conditions. In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms; our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people. Nor have we been wanting in our attentions to our Republican brethren. We have warned them, from time to time, of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our abuse, derision and neglect of allies long held. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity; and we have conjured them, by the ties of our common kindred, to disavow these usurpations which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too, have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity which denounces our determination to defeat them peacefully, and hold them as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends. We, therefore, the rational citizens of the United States of America, in no particular order assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name and by the authority of the good people of these colonies solemnly publish and declare, That these United States are to be, and of right ought to be, FREE AND INDEPENDENT OF GEORGE II; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the his crown and that all political connection between him and us is, and ought to be, totally dissolved [At least this November]; and that, as free and independent citizens, we have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, or at least the First Amendment, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor. [Signed by] Attaturk [or Publius if you'd rather]