Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Deleted sections of the new Bush Administration Memo We here at the Rising Hegemon have received a full copy of the Bush administration memo that justified torture in Iraq and elsewhere. Here is a list of the other actions now justified and supported by the Bush Administration:
  • Now its OK for Jay Leno to not be funny
  • Non-injury contact includes broken bones
  • All lady justices will wear bras
  • Water boarding is just good old fashioned fun like surfing
  • The word American now officially to be pronounced 'Merican
  • Strategery made an official word and will be used by all administration personel
  • Lying about WMDs is part of established foreign policy
  • Choking on a pretzel is now to be known as "Chewing disease"
  • Prayer meetings will occur before reading any new poll numbers
  • Soldiers will now be called liberators for political freedom
  • French Onion Soup now to be called Freedom from oppression Soup
  • Slingshots and rock throwing now to be considered WMDs
  • All investigative journalists must follow the Washington Times script
  • Sun Myung Moon now recognized as the Crowned Savior
We promise to provide you faithful readers with the very best investigative journalism that the great Washington Times scripts make possible.
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