Thursday, June 24, 2004

Dammit, its not just partisan hackery, IT'S SCIENCE Of all of nature's creatures amongst the most difficult to breed is that species, fama pennae dextera, the "Right Wing Bloviator". Though there numbers are presently in no way limited, as time passes, and a new generation comes about, the biology wing of the American Enterprise Institute is taking what steps they can to preserve both the population and the habitat of this less than majestic creature. Granted there were earlier experiments in cross-breading in order to stabilize the population: But AEI scientist decided this was most unsatisfactory, and frankly do not like to talk about the matter. With this in mind, we present to you an illustrative guide to the lifestyle and mating rituals of this most unique creature. One of the difficulties of mating the Right Wing Bloviator is identifying gender. But once identified, the mating calls of the bloviator are similar, a deep gutteral utterance of a primal nature. Words that they believe work best are, "It's Clinton's fault", "Ditto", or most often a long string of "shut up, shut up, shut up". However, scientists note this has yet to lead to success. Nevertheless, here are a few individuals caught in the act of bellowing their mating call: Unfortunately, it appears that when this call is made, rather than attract, it seems to repell the opposite sex. So the Bloviators are forced to make up for this lack of activity with other forms of substitutes for sexual release. The Bloviators also have developed active fantasy lives, often mixed with an obsession with the dead: Scientist at AEI have developed what they believe to be a solid theory, the bloviators sexual disfunction and lack of success with the opposite sex relates back to early life rejection by a member of opposite polar political affiliation. . While the above, may not relate to the issue discussed, AEI Scientists have concurred this is the most disturbing picture ever taken and most definitely indicative of a man who is frankly, never gettin' any. AEI Scientist have tried a method described as baiting to get bloviators to mate toghether to increase their numbers, but despite the appearance of initial success: One of the Scientists, Dr. Godwin, notes that the fact that the bloviators above required someone else to show them how their equipment works, or in the case of the individual on the right, the fact that no equipment existed, made it unfruitful. This result was similar to the experiences of an earlier notable pairing of bloviators which also was unable to produce offspring due to equipment failure. "Sheissen, ich habe eine ball!" Despite this difficulty, the scientists at AEI state that thanks to a substantial grant from the Richard Mellon Scaife Foundation they will keep trying to resolve this most perplexing, vexing and discomforting problem.
Weblog Commenting and Trackback by