For those of you East of the Mississippi Every 17 years, an incredible and horrible event takes place, as a repulsive creature with blood red eyes and primitive skeletal form emerges from the ground, sheds its insectoid shell, and engages in a brief and painful mating ritual. ..But enough about Ann Coulter. Attaturk lives west of the Mississippi, in a place he likes to call, "West of the Mississippi Land". There he is free to go about his life having to only deal with 13-year Cicadas and write about himself in the third-person. Because he does not have to deal with the 17-Year Cicada he looks with sympathy on those who do. He does have some helpful tips. (1) He has heard that while the raw cicadas are bad for dogs, cooked they taste like "minty shrimp". So why not make lemons of lemonade and boil yourself up some Cicadas? To share the experience with you, tonight Attaturk will have himself a cocktail shrimp on top of one of these. (2) Cicadas do emit a shrill and annoying noise that goes right down the the marrow of your bones. In order to white out this noise, he suggests you negate it with an audio fire-break, a sound of identical and pernicious shrillness. For example this...Ah, the circle of life...and attempted comedy.