Preznit calls for Legal Assistance In surprising news, Preznit Bush announced that he was hiring all right-wing attorneys in the country to help his current personal lawyers to prepare for the Valerie Palme investigation and the possibibility of another Florida-like campaign debacle. "I want to put out a holler for all the help a Texas boy like me can get! I mean, I just can't count on Cheney's huntin' buddies to pull my ass out of a sling again. So, we are using all the PAC and hidden... um reallocated money... to hire an un preceeedented number of lawboys to help us keep this country on the right track." After receiving a Heimlich maneuver for a potato chip, Mr. Preznit continued: "I maybe need some help after all the Iraq mess comes up to light too. I mean, Cheney isn't going to live long enough to take any of that heat. And when all the decision making comes out, whew... I am going to need some help." Contributions can be made to the Help Chimpyboy out at national campaign headquarters.