Sunday, June 27, 2004

Final Pundit Outrage leads to new Talking Head Rules The final straw was reached yesterday when Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Michael Savage, Ann Coulter, and several other nut wing pundits' heads exploded at the media backlash against the latest Bush-Cheney Internet ad. The Washington DC Coroner immediately issued a cease and decist order to all right wing commentators, pundits, and Bush whores, before they do serious damage to themselves. She stated that this is a serious problem, "not to mention the emotional or mental health damage that might be caused by witnessing such a hideous event... although just being near one of these talking windbags can be pretty harmful in of itself." After waking up from his mid-afternoon nap, Chimpy McFlightsuit issued a presidential order stopping all liberal, progressive, and other independent thinkers from engaging the right wing thinkers and talkers on any radio, television, or Internet programs. When announcing this new policy, Chimpy noted that he had no choice: "This is the only way to protect a national torture, um no... treason... ah no... treasure!" "Attorney general Ashcroft, just back from Republican Survivor, has assured me that he will use all the powers at his discretion thanks to the Patriot Act to stop these harmful thinkers from so engaging... no, enraging these beautiful minds." In related news, Janine Garofalo and Al Franken were captured by crack federal troops after violating the presidential ban on free liberal speech. "They will be guests of Gitmo until further notice as an example to others," said a Bush spokesperson.
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