Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Things Associated with Zarqawi The Bush Administration have been claiming for several months that the most diabolical man now in Iraq is the mysterious Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. Now thanks to Douglas Feith our secret source in the Pentagon, we can reveal other things that Zarqawi has been involved in the last several months. Vice President Cheney when asked about this evidence was quoted as saying "Harrumph, Harrumph!" so you know its reliable. 1. Car Bombings 2. Drive By Shootings 3. Fallujah 4. Najaf 5. Al Sadr 6. Bullet Shortage 7. Causing the Dog to be dropped 8. Kim Catrell not wanting to make a "Sex in the City Movie" 9. Breaking up Creed 10. The Washington Post/ABC News Poll 11. Fahrenheit 911 12. Reagan Dying 13. Governor Rowland Resigning 14. The Atkins Diet 15. Billy Joel's Driving Problems 16. "Soul Plane" 17. Tiger Woods' Slump 18. Non-Virgin Ben 19. The pending death of Wilfred Brimley (shhhhh!) 20. The Instabreakdown, requiring Instatherapy over Instacomittal. 21. The Pistons winning. 22. Filming Jenna from Survivor's sex tape. 23. Laura's intermitant and inconvenient headaches. 24. Haloscan's frequent breakdowns. 25. Hitch running out of Glenfiddich 26. Running one of Jack Ryan's favorite Sex Clubs 27. Carrot Top 28. Stole Peggy Noonan's "C" Cells, depriving her of "release". 29. Pepsi Blue 30. Disaster to be named later.
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