A Business Letter to the Preznit http://www.nytimes.com/2004/05/18/politics/18CHAL.html?th Dear Mr. Preznit (sorry, Mr. Bush... old habits are hard to, um nevermind), We here at Rising Hegemon have a proposal for you that you will find worthwhile. Instead of giving money away to questionable individuals like Ahmad Chalabi and the rascals at Iraqi National Congress, how about giving money to people like us at Rising Hegemon to prepare analysis on Iraq. Not to mention the need for counter terror analysis of overlooked North Korea or that dangerous Canada (apologies to any Canadian readers who might feel that Mexico would make a more amusing aside; although how many times must we be invaded by one of those Alberta Clippers before we see the infusion of arctic air as an attack on our country's borders?). Consider the advantages. First, we would work cheap. Instead of sending over $300,000 to a group that includes known crooks, ex-Iraqi employees, disgruntled exiles, and cronies, we would work for a paltry $200,000 a month (a cost savings of over $100,000 and you as a successful businessman -- alright, alright, as a former businessman -- can see an advantage to saving $100,000). Furthermore, none of us at Rising Hegemon have ever been convicted of serious crimes. It's true. Second, we are 'Mericans. Nuff said. Don't mess with Texas! We promise to spend the money only on American companies. Ok, well we will spend most of the money on American corporations. Yeah that is tricky, how about we spend the money with some businesses that employ a few Americans? Oh hell, we will spend the money on the American continent, close enough? We can really use the money and so can our cash-starved communities. This war has been hard on us progressives too. Third, we know a little something about how to run businesses that are successful. Really. In return, we would even be willing to tutor you on basic business and management principles that you should have learned at Yale. Hey, no mean-spiritedness implied, we all remember our first beer. We can easily make business ideas simple to understand. Have you seen that moving cheese book? We can do better than that. A lot better. And we promise to keep the cheese references to a minimum. And we will not mention lunches or some old mentor named Morrie. We promise. Finally -- see we can be concise which is an important bidness principle -- in return for a lucrative government contract, we promise to employ Barbara and Jenna! Consider the advantages. No worry about messy community service while they are away from school. No need to worry about them getting into trouble, as part of our contract we will assign security just to keep them out of trouble. Yeah, that will be hard aspect of our contract, but we will try. This is a good deal. So, in sum Mr. Preznit we will analyze the Iraq situation and propose solutions that are not based on our selfish interests or past criminal records (you will have satisfied our need to make huge sums of money for little work). Furthermore, we will conduct threat analysis and give you easy points to talk about while on the campaign trail and actions to take as well as employ your daughters. A good deal. Really. Think about it. Rumsfeld, Chalabi, and Powell have done far worse. Best Wishes, -Rising Hegemon (we will also explain the name too as a bonus for free) PS. Go Rangers!